Last night GB was really loving, well, as loving as you can be when you're working away. He phoned about 7.30, then at 9, then again at 10.45. Everything seemed back to how it used to be, him saying he loved me, being attentive, phoning lots, being a bit jealous. I did feel a bit peeved when he said he'd walked to Coniston, because I know this is where the revolting Lauren hangs out.
Even if he doesn't fancy her at all, she's where he gets his heroin from, and I'm pretty certain he's been tooting when I spoke to him last yesterday. At times he was almost falling asleep on the phone, then he'd be fine, then sleepy again.
I've spoken to him twice today, and all seems well, we've been talking about what we'll do at the weekend. I'm determined to keep him busy as much as possible to keep him away from doing H. He's not phoned tonight yet (tho he usually doesn't til 9 anyway), and I can't help but worry what he's up to. I SOOO don't want him to be getting H off the revolting Lauren. Somehow it's worse that she's a girl. Thinking back to her texts, I think she fancied him and told him, because on one she'd written something like, 'I'm glad you feel like that, it's a nice feeling to have.' Then carried on about his star sign or some other bollocks. So maybe he'd said he loved me. Or maybe I am dramatically wishful thinking!!!
About this time every night I get a bit stressed, wondering if he'll phone, and when, and how he'll be. In the past when he's gone back to H I've always given him an ultimatum, but we've been so dodgy recently I don't dare. I feel like he needs to know I love him and we are ok. And he's never arounf my son now, so there's not that pressure.
My fingers, my toes, every bit of me is crossed. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel like we were meant to be together.
