Maybe it's because GB is back tomorrow, but I've been quite calm today, for a change.

He didn't phone this morning, and when I phoned him he wasn't answering, but I didn't panic at all like I usually would, just guessed he was charging the phone. Was annoyed he'd not bothered to text me before he went out tho. I sent him a text saying that he could have texted me, and I thought the best thing was to have a really nice time this weekend then finish, as an alternative to him slowly pushing me away. Then about 1pm I tried him again, still no reply so I guessed he had forgotten to take his phone to work. I texted that I really love him, probably too much.

At 5.30 when I phoned he answered, and was fairly subdued initially, but didn't mention the texts, and was fine. I had to tell him his sister had phoned because she'd gone to his old address and Lloyds Bank are after him for a £1000-odd debt. This is so typical of him!

I didn't mention the texts either, but since I sent the one about finishing after this weekend, I've felt very peaceful, which leads me to believe I am doing the right thing. I love him, but eventually it would come down to the 'heroin or me' conversation anyway, and I'm not confident he'd choose me.

So I really do want to make this weekend good, so our last memories of eachother are good ones. I'll cross the 'we're finished' bridge when I reach it. It's gonna be hard...