I know that Steve feels very guilty for how he has treated me, and the heroin means that he is cycling from mellowness and euphoria to depression and fear. On his downers he talks about how he hates himself, how his life always gets wrecked, how he is suicidal. I've tried to get him to take responsibility for his own life - that if it is shit it is because of his life choices, that if it goes wrong, it is because of his own actions. And most of all, heroin makes it all worse - I pointed out that his life was good until he got back on it.

But I don't think he's capable of listening. It doesn't fit in with the story he's telling to himself.

Like the 'drifting apart' thing. From this blog it is obvious that we had a very passionate and intense relationship in every sense, quite often quarrelling, just as often making up. Just before he went away, we had a spat about sex: the vicious cycle thing where I thought him not getting a hard-on was down to me, he then worried about upsetting me blah-di-blah. But we'd got over it, and when he went away we were perfectly happy. We were perfectly happy the first few weeks he was there too - it was only once he got back on the heroin (and/or involved with Lauren) that the problem returned. Until then, the sex had been better than ever and the separation meant we'd been at it like rabbits when he was home.

But he can't let himself see the truth. He can't face the real world, on so many levels. So I worry he might take the ultimate escape from it.