Thursday morning, and only two hours sleep, but for some reason Steve got up with me - VERY unusual. I ahd a shower and he made tea, then we sat drinking it and chatting. Before I left I said to him, 'I really , really like you.' He said, 'I love you,' and I replied, 'no, you know I love you, but I'd forgotten just how much I like you.' It was part of what we'd said the night before. Steve was saying how we were being like when we first got together, and I'd said it was as though we'd somehow lost eachother somewhere along the line. I think we'd forgotten how much we like eachother and how alike we are in many ways. All the arguments, all the power struggles, they'd only highlighted our differences.
I went off to work, then came home, picking up Ben on the way. He went to bed about 8, just before Steve got back from sorting out his prescription and trying to sell some of his stuff. That evening we spent the whole time downstairs, not going to bed until 2am, even though we'd decided on an early night! And being a naughty girl I'd worn VERY high heels, and they'd left some serious scratches on Steve's legs and back, so let's see him explain those to young Lauren....
By this time Steve had said time and again that he doesn't want to lose me, and I've told him the same. We've decided to meet up next week, at the hotel he's working in. Lauren goes away travelling, on Tuesday I think it is, and I'm afraid I cannot resist the chance to be my ex-boyfriend's mistress.
His attitude to Lauren is weird. He says they're not girl and boyfriend, but then why was she worth losing me for? He doesn't seem to miss her, he doesn't say he loves her, he calls her 'mate' and she doesn't seem to object (whereas I have told him not EVER call me 'mate'). It is very odd.
So I think she was basically a bit of a heroin induced bit of stupidity. I try not to think this though. I'm reserving judgment til next week.
