Throughout my relationship with Steve, a big bone of contention was the phone. He would always say he'd call, and then not - for really stupid reasons. When we first met he went through about five phones because his temper meant he'd throw them and break them. And even when he calmed down he still would run out of credit or not charge the battery or plain forget to call me. Then he wouldn't understand why I'd be so upset. Yet I always had a charged phone, always had credit. Because he was important to me.

Looking back, he texted me all the time, and would always call at least once a day (until that horrible time when I began blogging again), and I have no idea why I got so stressed - apart from the fact that him not phoning sometimes meant he was in prison. Or homeless. :no:

Over the last few weeks I've got used to him phoning me last thing at night, so when he phoned about 6pm today, I noticed that when he said goodbye he said he 'might' phone me later. Usually he says he'll phone me later, and he has been VERY reliable, much more so than ever before.

So I wasn't really expecting a call, and was just falling asleep when he phoned, which is a bit of a miracle because a while ago I'd not have been able to sleep at all for festering over whether he would or wouldn't call. Which meant when he did phone at twenty past midnight, I was really pleased, especially as we had a really loving conversation, him constantly saying how much he missed me and loved me, and talking about how special I was and all sorts of soppy and sexy stuff.

Then I was saying I'd phone him after 4 tomorrow because I didn't know what the reception was like where we are going in Wales. He said, 'oh, so you've got time to sneak away from whoever you're going with?' Which was madness, and I told him so. He knows how much I love him, and he knows me: that I'm not like that. But he refused to believe me, to listen to what he said. I know he was just fishing and went away satisfied with his catch!

The weird thing is that although we are in this strange situation, and although I have no reason at all to trust him, I somehow do. I feel like he loves me again. I feel, would you believe, secure.