So off I went to Wales on Wednesday morning, still feeling really happy cos Tuesday night's phonecall had left me feeling so loved. Me and the teeny had a really great day, hot and sunny at the Centre for Alternative Technology, and then got to Tywyn about 4. I'd got really good reception, so I phoned Steve to say we were there, and that my reception was fine so he could phone me whenever. He was still bitching about who else was with me, but I ignored it.
We were in a fantastic guest house right on the sea front, so we stashed our stuff, got some food and drink and went off down the beach. We'd been there for not very long when the phone went, and it was Steve. My boy asked if he could talk to him, so they had a short conversation which at one point conisted of Little Kid saying 'Me and Mummy. And me. And Mummy. And me and mummy and me and mummy....' So maybe he really did think I had someone else with me?
We watched a fantastic sunset eating chips and lookng out to the sea, then went off back to bed, althouth Titch didn't fall asleep until about 11pm, cos he was in the same bed as me and watching the same telly as me. About 10.30 Steve phoned again, from the hotel cos he'd run out of credit again.
We were just chatting as normal when he suddenly said, 'When you go home on Sunday I'm coming with you.' I couldn't speak for a second because my stomach was blocking my throat. 'What?' I finally said. He said he was sick of it there, sick of the people he worked for, sick of the rain, 'and I miss you too much. I missed you so much yesterday, and I don't know what I'm doing here anyway.'
I refuse to count my chickens on this, but he was still saying the same last night.
He's been lying about not scoring though, because he accidentally let slip that he had to avoid a piss test at the doctor's yesterday, because it would have been positive. All yesterday he kept phoning me on a phone he 'found' by the Lake. Hmmm. He says he's going to selll it for gear, so we'll see what state he's in when I get there tonight. But he has been phoning me, and has been very loving. But then, he was probably really loving to Lauren when he needed somewhere to stay. Not that he does, I suppose, cos Sam is off to Scotland next week so he could stay at hers. My gut says to believe him though.
Sitting on the beach today I felt really strong. Whatever happens, even if my life is as it has been for the last few days - just me and my boy - that's enough for me. However much I love and want Steve, I really don't think I need him any more.
So maybe after the weekend I'll change the blog title back. But not before.
