On the Saturday after the Friday spat I last wrote about, Steve was very contrite, and pointed out that he hadn't touched me at all the night before. Which was true. So I got to wondering if it had all been my paranoia. He seemed to genuinely be upset that I'd been afraid of him. But then why had he hit the wall and marched about shouting if it hadn't been to scare me?
That Monday we watched 'Control', the film about Ian Curtis. I've not been able to get it out of my head since. I recognised so much of what his wife went through - the way he completely dominated her (not so much physically, but emotionally) and restricted her behaviour through jealous comments and moods. Like Steve when he was with Lauren, Curtis shilly-shallied between his wife and his mistress, unable to let go of either (tho both must have known who it was they really loved). Yet you still felt sorry for him.
But Steve's not a tortured genius. Just tortured for some reason.
He's got a bad cold at the moment, but still has gone to work every day. He has so many good points. They outweigh the bad for me at the moment. I still don't want to be living with him though. He shows no signs of shifting.
He's coming off the methadone pretty quickly at least, from the looks of it. He only used half last week's prescription.
