So, my control issues:
Last night me and Steve rowed about him keeping on using the cooker. When it is just me and my son, we don't use the cooker because of the cost of fuel. We use it once a week for a big meal for us and Steve or other folks. Yet Steve every day will use the cooker for a meal just for him because 'I don't like microwaved food.' I told him my worries, and he got arsey and said he would pay towards the bills. I laughed and said according to him he didn't even have money for a phone top-up, let alone an electric bill. Plus who knew where he'd be when the bills came? I then went in a mega huff, managing to completely ignore that I was trying to control him to the max, by hook or by crook.
This set off a long and far-reaching argument that lasted all evening. The ins and outs aren't important, but since on my course we'd been talking about archetypes, I acted very differently. Usually, when we argue, Steve goes into Macho persona, and I respond by going into Helpless Frightened Girl. So last night I didn't. I stayed Grown Woman throughout, which meant I didn't cry, and he didn't get violent. He did squeeze me very hard at one point, but I said, 'if you don't want to intimidate me, you need to stop being aggressive. If you do, you need to leave now because I refuse to be intimidated.' He did other intimidating behaviours, hitting walls, throwing himself on the bed etc, but I didn't let it get to me.
So the resolution was physically painfree, and mentally I wasn't scared either. We didn't really acheive anything apart from airing more rubbish, but I'm not going to fret about the oven any more. I'm going to let him pay for everything when we go out instead, since he always tries and I always stop him. No more: Bank of Karen will reclaim its debt one way or another, without resorting to controlling behaviours!
