I slept ok last night, and had a real job waking up this morning, probably from lying up late reading. When I came downstairs I found that Steve had texted my mobile at six minutes past midnight - all he'd put was X.

I still don't know what I feel, but I am more settled. I don't think I need an 'end' any more. As I was putting on my make-up, something happened that showed me that. From my sofa I can see my driveway reflected in the fish tank. I saw a fluorescent work jacket walk down my drive, and I guessed it was Steve coming to pick up his toolbox. So I hid out of sight of the front door or the kitchen window.

It turned out to be the milkman! But it showed me that I don't want to talk to Steve or see him. Don't need an ending then, do I? I think the unsettled was fear of what he's going to do, fear of a messy ending, and fear I'll take him back.

His toolbox is still here. Sites open about 8.30 latest. Looks like he's not working.