I've no idea if Steve remembers he's supposed to be here, sober and drug-free, at 7.45. He phoned and texted several times last night until about half past midnight - I answered once each to say that we would talk today.

So I've had a bath, put on clean clothes, refreshed my make-up, worn the perfume I always used to wear when we first met. This might seem an excessive amount of effort for a man I say I don't want back. And yes, I'm doing it all for him. Because I want him to want me so that when I say no he'll hurt as much as he's hurt me.

He's finally pushed me into attempting vengeance. Just this once.